I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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