You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
