drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
