I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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