Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
