butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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