I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
