please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
