You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
