last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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