I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Are we still banned from the library?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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