I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
