East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
