Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
