she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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