I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
