so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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