Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
