So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
