Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
