A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
