did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
