I wish life had little blips of pornography
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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