I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
