You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
