she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
