My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
