Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
