Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
