the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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