Your tits are I can't wait for
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
