My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
