officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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