Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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