I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
