don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
