I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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