this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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