ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i barfeds in our rink
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
