You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
