First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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