I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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