he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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