Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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