I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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