Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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