if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
