whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I touched a dick in church today
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
