Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
