i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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