Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
