I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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