So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
