If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
