3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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