Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
